My anxiety has been decreasing daily little by little... I've been listening to audio books, journaling, and meditating. And OMG is meditating difficult. I've heard and read so much about how helpful it is to people with anxiety, but for whatever reason my brain is SUPER resistant to the whole thing. Also, I'm not sure I get the point? How am I supposed to think about "nothing", isn't that in and of itself thinking about something? As you can imagine, my brain ends up spiraling after that... I try and and come back to the moment, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. I'm not sure if I got this from Buddhist culture or from one of the thousands of audio books I've listened to, but I'm told to remind myself that every feeling or emotion I'm feeling will pass. I won't inherently be anxious or sad or nervous forever, so I must "wait it out". At the same time, this means I won't be at my baseline or happy forever either, so I ask the question: Is time our friend or enemy?
Sometimes when I meditate, ok, all of the times, I just sit and think about when my alarm will be over and that there's no way we haven't hit the 10min mark yet. Then I remind myself that I must be kind to my wandering mind and get back to being in the present moment. I've been taught that we are constantly either living in the past or the future. Yes, of course I am because the past shows me how much anxiety I've lived through that I'm trying to get to a non anxious point, i.e. the future. So why not the present? As wonderful as it would be to solely be "in the moment", I don't see how. There will always be things that need to be done by a certain time. Forgetting that exists seems somewhat irresponsible. I guess I have to get to a point where I'm aware of what needs to be done but somehow detach myself from the pressure of making sure it's done. I don't even know if that makes sense. Either way, going back to whether time is our friend or our enemy? Why, it's both, like most contrasts in life. Is good or is it bad? Is it too much or not enough? Is it right or is it wrong? They are all both, it just depends who you ask.
